Miscarriage?
I was sitting here thinking of this word today. What exactly does it mean? The term has bothered my heart, made me nauseous, and resulted in convulsions of tears. I know what the medical definition of a miscarriage is; I’m familiar with the common view of what a woman means when she says, “I had a miscarriage.” I know all too well. I know what it feels like to know that you carried a life within you…and then, in an instant, before your arms were able to hold that sweet life…it was no more. I know what it’s like to have flashes of memories never made….to look at your precious children and think, “One’s missing…”I know.
But, I didn’t have a miscarriage. I simply did not have a miscarriage. The definition of the prefix mis-
mis-
1 a prefix applied to various parts of speech, meaning “ill,” “mistaken,” “wrong,” “wrongly,” “incorrectly,” or simply negating: mistrial;
Mistakenly carried? No.
Wrongly carried? No.
Incorrectly carried? No.
Negating? Absolutely not.
I carried a child. My Savior knit that child together in my womb. Can my mind comprehend why I am not anxiously awaiting the arrival of my 3rd baby in July? Why I’m not reading to my children about how to take care of a baby and what is in mommy’s belly? Can my mind comprehend why I had to go through this…haven’t I been a faithful servant? Why will I never hold my child? Why I won’t ever know what he/she looked like? The answer is…I can’t truly comprehend it. I can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t understand, and He knows I don’t understand. The fact of the matter though, is that there was nothing ‘mis-‘ about how I carried my child or the perfect creation my sweet baby was. I serve a sovereign God…He is the same today as He was before I lost my precious baby….I may not always ‘feel’ that, but I know it. I know that His plans are not my plans and His ways are not my ways. I also know that every life is fearfully and wonderfully made, a creation of His hands. I never got to ‘see’ the life that I carried, but I know that my precious baby was fearfully and wonderfully made….and fearfully and wonderfully loved. I did not have a miscarriage…I carried my baby perfectly, the way that God intended for my life. It may not be what I would have chosen; I may not fully understand why He chose to never let me touch, see, smell, hold….sing to…read to…my child; but my precious baby was carried…carried as God intended for our lives…carried correctly…carried perfectly. Carried…straight from my womb to my Father’s hands…never knowing sorrow or hurt…always knowing peace. There’s not really much more perfect that going from one who would love you to the moon and back into the arms of the One who created the moon.
My sweet baby is no longer here, but I did not have a miscarriage. My Savior knows the answers to my questions; all I need to know is that He’s sovereign and that all of His creations are fearfully and wonderfully made, hand-crafted and formed to bring glory to Him. I shall praise Him…choose to praise Him…forever grateful for a blessing…a blessing…a perfect, sweet blessing.
